This entry is a pure mummy's talk that single people or people that don't fancy kids dreads so if you fall into the category, please skip this entry;)I don't know whats with us mummy that we need to rave our kids all the time to everyone. Even to strangers. I know its annoying but I guess it is already built in every mummy. Whats more important in life than the little ones that screams "Mummy!Mummy!"every five seconds rite?
I still remembered the first time I saw the two red lines on the cheap pregnancy test kit I bought from Guardian. I had the hunch that I am preggars even before I tested myself. When the result came in positive, I was happy. For someone who is selfish and have low tolerance for kids, I was actually amazed at my own reaction.I never fancied kids.Back then, if you show me a cute kid, I would go "Oh, OK".I would not know how to react to kids and I would get headache when they make too much noise. I would silently curse parents that have kids wailing and running wild in restaurant or the hairdressers or the hypermarkets or clinic or anywhere for that matter.I am one of those people that the maternal instinct does not kick in until very late. As for my case,it only kicked in the moment she was placed on my chest, all bloody and wet after I endured excruciating pain of stage two labour and three days of labour pain.It was truly magical. I had this huge surge of love to this slimy screaming infant out of sudden.I was overwhelmed & overjoyed. I guess only mothers can attest to my feelings at that moment.
My pregnancy with Sonia was a very good one. I had occasional minor morning sickness,bad case of heartburn and at the later stage of pregnancy, one of the nerves at my back thigh was giving me a nagging pain. Besides that, it was a breeze. I had good appetite, I exercised second trimester onwards and I was running my day to day without any glitches.As she was growing inside my tummy, I could feel her kicking me. I noticed that she does it early morning or when its time for me to sleep or when I do my yoga poses.She hates certain food that I love, e.g ampang yong tau foo or the midvalley's garden cafe assam laksa.She loves nasi lemak!!!Especially the really spicy gravy and the soft fluffy rice.It does not help that my colleagues were buying nasi lemak every other day because she knew I was crazy about nasi lemak. Thank god I was able to exercise my way through pregnancy. I am sure I would have ballooned and look like Rosie O'Donnell by the time I pooped her out into this world.
All my check up with the gyne was all good until one day, I went for my second opinion with Dr Raman and he said, the water level around my baby was low and advised me to drink more water. He then asked me to visit him again the following week for a checkup. As it is, I was drinking like a fish. After the check up, I was drinking like a camel.When I came back the following week, Dr Raman said it is better but I am not out from the woods yet. He advised me to monitor the water level around the baby closely.He said, if its too low, it could endanger the baby's life and I may have to go for C section or induction if it threatens the livelihood of my baby. I must say, I feel the world was crushing down on me. It didn't help that my then partner was not there to shoulder the pain. All I could do is pray for the best.I went for my routine check up with Dr Wong and I brought the matter up and he too confirmed it. I was disappointed that Dr Wong did not detected it earlier and naturally, I wanted Dr Raman to be my primary gyne. After a quick chat with Dr Raman, I decided I should stick to Dr Wong because Dr Wong shares the same view about labour.
Subsequently Dr Wong kept a close watch on my water level every check up and then advised me that I should do induction as the water level is becoming way to low. He then set the induction date on the 6th June 2006. What a date!!The night before the induction, I could not sleep. I prayed tahajud and doa that my labour will be a smooth one. My sister and mother send me to the hospital early in the morning. As I was walking to the car, I could feel her kicking me hard at the stomach. I rubbed my tummy and said " Soon Sonia, soon OK?". As soon as I reached the hospital, they ushered me to the labour room. The nurse came in and put a tablet into my private area and attached the labour pain machine to measure my pain. She said the pill will help with the labour and she said, by 12pm, I should be ready for labour. 12pm came and nothing happened. 3pm came and nothing happened and Dr Wong came in and put in the tablet inside me.He said, I should be ready for labour by 7pm. 7pm came and nothing happened. Dr Wong came and said "Ok, we should try this again tomorrow". Tomorrow came, went through the same thing, nothing came. I was getting restless. Late evening, I was wheeled to his clinic and he had to say the magic word "Balqesh, if tomorrow, you don't deliver, I don't have much choice but to perform a C section on you". I panicked and was disappointed with myself. Kenapa la susah sangat ni?That night, I told my then partner I wanted to eat Pizza and slept soundly after gorging on sinful pizza.Around one-ish in the morning, I went to the toilet to pee and I saw fresh blood in the toilet bowl. I called the nurse and she said due to the invasive intrusion to my private area, it is normal to have discharge.I went to the toilet again around 3am and I noticed the flesh blood in the toilet bowl again and the nurse said "Don't worry, its normal". Around 3-ish, my pantie area is wet and I noticed the stream of water gushing out of me and I called the same nurse and she then said to me " Oh!Your water break already" and she had the nerve to say to me "I think you should take epidural because looking at you, I don't think you can take the pain". Inside my heart " How do you know?You don't even know me".
After a quick shower, they wheeled me to the labour room. Another waiting game. About 12-ish, I could feel the pain but it is bearable. I asked for the jab to relief the pain. The jab made me really drowsy and sleepy. I vomitted few times. All the nurses that came in pestered me to take epidural but I was determined not to .Around 3-ish, I asked the nurse "Where is the gas?"She said to me, "There, right behind you". OMG!!!I felt like kicking the woman.About 5pm, the pain was unbearable. I was in so much pain.My then partner and the nurses kept on pushing me to use epidural but I was determined not to use it. Around 7-ish, I said to my then partner, "I want to pass motion". The nurses came in and said, "NO!You are going to give birth soon!" I said, "No, I need to pass motion. I need to go to toilet NOW!!!".They called Dr Wong and he came in with his Phua Chu Kang yellow boots and inspected me and said, "Balqesh, you are going to give birth soon". He asked me to breath the way Lamaze class thought me.He instructed me not to push until he asked me to. After a few Lamaze breathing, he said, "Ok Balqesh!Push!". I was trying to push with every might in my body. I was already so tired of three days of waiting game and labour pain.I pushed and pushed but Sonia is nowhere in sight. Dr Wong then said " Balqesh, I am going to perform episiotomy on you ok?". The moment he performed it on me, he asked me to push but nothing came out. He then said " Balqesh, we have to use vacuum ok?". I had no choice but to agree with him. He asked me to push one more time and with the help of the vacuum, I heard Sonia's first scream. He laid Sonia on my chest, all bloody, slimy and gooey. My first reaction was to stroke her back. Like how I stroke my cats when I want to manja them. The nurse came and washed her. My then partner performed the azan on her when she is all cleaned.Dr Wong was busy stitching me up and I could hardly feel anything. Perhaps it is the euphoria of having a newborn. The pain that I felt vanished in seconds and I could hardly remember how painful it felt at that time.
Before I was wheeled out from the labour room, the nurse put Sonia straight to my buxom and she started suckling. I am amazed how nature works. How does a small baby knows how to suckle from her mother or how a person like me can suddenly transform from an indifferent individual towards children to someone who wants to shield, protect and love this scrawny newborn?The nurse that wheeled me to the room is the same annoying nurse that said to me that I could not take the pain. I looked into her eyes and said " I did it!I did it!I didn't use Epidural". She patted my back and said " Good for you Balqesh".
I was glad I choose Dr Wong. He may not be the perfect gyne during my checkups but he is the perfect doctor for the labour. He checks on me almost every hour and he respected my birth plan. He even said, I should get a rest and I should not receive any visitor because I had a very long labour. My after care was excellent. He gave me that light treatment twice a day and it helped in getting the stitches dry up faster. When I complained that my milk was not sufficient, he assured me that I should not worry too much and he even gave me a pill to help me with the production of milk.Like I said in the previous entry, my milk was not melimpah ruah. I was struggling the moment she start nursing on me. The pill is a wonder pill. It helped me throughout my nursing days.Without the pill, I reckon, I would have given up hopes of nursing Sonia.
After giving birth to Sonia, I was on the roll. I could not sleep. I was always awake, constantly checking on her and when she had to be in the nursery room for her UV light treatment, I was pacing through the corridor to see her every now and then. I was like a mak kucing hilang anak. My boss came to visit me and she saw the look on my face and she said " Balqesh, you could have your daugther room in with you, even if she is on the treatment". I called the nurse and they wheeled her in within minutes. It really helped to calm me down, knowing she is close to me. I did not even feel tired even without proper sleep and rest. I was so kiasu that I worry about everything. Why she is not pooing? Why is her jaundice still so high?Is she getting enough of my milk?Is she cold?Is she in pain under the UV light?I knew I was not one of those cool mothers. I was one of the kalut mothers.
I have to say, after whatever I went through, I thought I would be serik but I knew, even in the hospital that I would love to go through it again.I relish the moments when she sleeps on my chest or how she would inch her way to my stomach area to sleep or how funny her mouth looks when she tries to latch on to me or how she would hold my fingers so tightly with her scrawny fingers or how she would stop crying when I hold and pacify her.Sonia is truly a God's gift to me. No amount of reading or advice prepared me for motherhood.I never knew the joy of motherhood until I experience it myself
