Recently hashtags related to domestic violence were trending on Twitter, #WhyILeft and #WhyIStayed, asking woman to come forward with their stories about why they chose to leave or stay in an abusive relationship.
I command the bravery of those who have speak out. To leave sounds all too easy on paper but in reality, people experiencing abuse find it daunting to even think about leaving. There is a lot of shame and guilt associated with walking out, or even talking about abusive relationship.
There are many forms of domestic violence. It can be in forms of creating fear, intimidation, verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, social abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, controlling behaviours, spiritual abuse, separation violence, stalking and finally domestic homicide. Fear is a key elements in domestic violence and often the most powerful way a perpetrator controls and render the victim powerless. The perpetrator often use verbal, physical and emotional abuse to humiliate and demean the victim. They also dictate what she does, who she sees, where she goes and keep her from making friends or talking to her family. He also swindles her money and make her believe it is for family use.
Often after the relationship has ended, violence may continue. This can be a very dangerous time for the victim because the perpetrator may perceive a loss of control over the victim and become more unpredictable. He would resort to different types of tactics to win her back by threatening to commit suicide, threatening to hurt her and her loved ones, threatening her world would crumble if he - the "hero" is not there to safe her from the evil world (when in fact he is the biggest devil).
There is not enough support for victim of domestic violence. The police would treat it as family issues and choose not to take action, although the victim have court's order restraining him from domestic abuse. The Syariah court, even with mounting of evidence, takes years to come to judgement.
Even once she have finally obtained divorce, the victim endured years of incessant stalking. He would stalked her physically or in the social media spheres- Linkedln included.
If you are forced to choose between saving your relationship and yourself, always save yourself because no relationship is ever worth risking your life over.
# Balqesh Abdullah
