Be strong

Smile even through your tears
Be strong even through your fears
You are in my thoughts and doa sis

The most overlook reason to commit

Chanced upon this article while browsing the net. Profound. 

Life is full of compromises, the proverbial fleas that come with the dog, which we put up with for the dog's company. Often, we try to get an accurate flea-count so we can decide whether the dog's company is worth it. Similarly, before you commit to a relationship, job, marriage, parenting role, or any other long-term investment of your effort, you may wonder whether it's worth the compromises you will have to make. 

Paradoxically, the flea-count will seem larger before you commit. Once you're committed, you will make an all-out effort to minimize the cost of the compromises required, lowering those costs.

For example, say you’re dating someone with irritating habits. You try to decide whether it’s worth committing to a real relationship. To assess the pros and cons, you’ll focus on the irritations. Every encounter with one will become a red flag and a reason to say, “Maybe this isn’t worth it." Every inconvenience will make you ask, “Can I make this work?” 

Only after committing to the relationship will you begin to work on becoming efficient at withstanding the irritations. You’ll cultivate strategic insensitivity to the irritations, reducing the number of red flags, because once you have committed, the question becomes, “How can I make this work?” and you begin to work on making the inconveniences matter less. After all, now you have practical incentive to lower the cost and maximize the benefits of your commitment. You'll learn to make room for your partner, humor him or her strategically, and not sweat the small stuff.

While it's not all small stuff, more of it seen as such once you’re totally in. You adapt to what you’ve embraced, because you can’t afford to bolt at every little red flag. The costs are too high, so you do what you can to reduce your incentive to bolt.

This holds true of all commitments. For example, having kids is a huge, daunting commitment to ongoing compromise. But so many people overlook how much work parenting turns out to be. Thinking about getting up through the night to nurse them is one thing; doing it is another. In this respect, commitment to the compromise of childrearing is different from dating. You don’t get hands-on experience with a baby until you’ve had a baby. 

Still, parents put up with a lot that they wouldn’t tolerate before they had children. They’re less ruffled by every little thing because they are locked into parenting. They can’t say, “I’m not going to put up with this!” They’re forced to learn to put up with irritations as efficiently as possible.

Behavioral economist and Nobel Prize-winner Daniel Kahneman speaks to part of the explanation with his Focus Illusion, the fact that nothing in life is as important as you think it is when you are thinking about it. This illusion applies to both delights and disappointments: You won’t be as excited about getting something you want once you get it, because once you get it, you will have it, and your attention will shift to other things.

Likewise, you won’t be as disappointed about getting something you don’t want, because you’ll have it, and your attention will shift. Even if you become disabled, you may not spend your day saying, "I'm disabled." People consistently overestimate how miserable they would be after a big loss. Once it happens, we navigate the compromises that come with it. We accept and shift our focus elsewhere, minimizing the cost of the compromise in the process. 

Goethe is famously misquoted as saying: 

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back…the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now."

I’ve long thought this was a half-truth masquerading as a whole truth, and not at all a surefire reason to “begin it.” While Providence moves, it doesn't necessarily move enough in your favor to make your commitment an assured success. Providence also moves against you—when you commit to fight someone who fights back, Providence stirred to work against you.

Still, there's an inverse notion that pertains to compromise: Once you commit to a compromise, you innovate to minimize the cost of that compromise. Providence changes your behavior to be more adaptable.

Necessity is the mother of cost minimization, the invention of ways to withstand the compromises you’re in. While you're not required to commit to all compromises, it's helpful to remember that you will experience less costs one you're fully invested.

# Balqesh Abdullah 

You are not for everyone

The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, will not like you. But it is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. They are your people. You are not for everyone and thats OK. Talk to the people who can hear you.

Don't waste your precious time and gifts trying to convince them of your value. They won't ever want what you are selling. Don't convince them to walk alongside you. You will be wasting both your time and theirs. It will likely inflict unnecessary wounds, which will take precious time to heal. You are not for them and they are not for you; politely wave them on and continue along your way. Sharing your path with someone is a sacred gift; don't cheapen this gift by rolling yours in the wrong direction.

Keep facing your true north.

# Balqesh Abdullah

Call of the mountains

It's always further than it looks. It's always taller than it looks and it's always harder than it looks. The most important lesson is mountains have a way of dealing with overconfidence

# Balqesh Abdullah

Lucky indeed

She is truly a God's gift to me. Alhamdullilah

# Balqesh Abdullah

Hear! Hear!

Need I say more?

# Balqesh Abdullah

Fearless

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great"- Mark Twain

# Balqesh Abdullah

Win I shall

You are confined only by the walls you build yourself. Take chances. Calculated chances. In sya Allah, you will win.

# Balqesh Abdullah

Simple reminders

Everyday, we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed out or sad. You are  giving something outside yourself power over your happiness when you indulge the negative emotions . You can choose to not let little things to upset you. Life is too short to be bitter.

# Balqesh Abdullah

Embrace the struggle

Life is way too short to spend another day at war with yourself. Embrace the struggle. The storm would pass

# Balqesh Abdullah

My name is not Cecil

My name is not Cecil
I do not have the luxury of a name or a fancy hashtag to morn my loss
I am seldom seen but often misunderstood
I am perfected by nature but destroyed by man

My name is not Cecil
But like him, I want nothing to do with you
I do not know you nor you know me
But yet you come to my home and brand me a "monster"
Out of misunderstanding and fear

My name is not Cecil
I am not even someone's trophy
I am murdered for nothing but the ignorant wrath of a man

My name is not Cecil
But like him, I have the right to live

My name is NOT Cecil
I am an old Tiger Shark and this is my planet too

Aaron Wong

# Balqesh Abdullah

The least honourable form of war on the weak

Only after the last tree tree has been cut down

Only after the last river has been poisoned

Only after the last fish has been caught

Only then you will find that money cannot be eaten 

# Balqesh Abdullah 

My Way or the highway

Was listening to my ipod during my routine morning exercise and this song was on the shuffle.



To those who have difficult partner, you have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer served.  Battle is not yours in the first place. Never was. Why be burdened by it? Remove the bully from your heart and burn the memories alongside too.You will be much happier.



# Balqesh Abdullah

Obligation to pay debt

Debt is a burdensome obligation. Prophet (PBUH) had taught us that, even for martyr, his debt would remain as ceaseless liability. “All the wrongs of a martyr are forgiven except his debt” (Muslim – Riyadussaliheen – Book 12, Hadith 1312)

# Balqesh Abdullah

Wide angle UW photography

 

I am getting more comfortable with UW photography. I now venture into the world of wide-angle photography. I still need more practice. With my equipment, I still have a long way to perfecting my shots.

# Balqesh Abdullah

50 Timeless Pieces of Advice about Love and Relationship

Sometimes, when in a relationship, it is hard to know where to turn for advice. Only you can know what is right but when you can’t quite sort it out, keep these pearls of wisdom in mind:

• Don’t stay with someone who antagonizes or belittles you.
• If you feel lonely in your relationship, you’re better off being alone.
• Know when to walk away.
• You can gauge a person’s love for you by how they treat you when they are upset with you.
• Love is a verb. Not a noun.
• When a lightbulb burns out, you replace the lightbulb. You don’t buy a new house.
• Don’t stay with someone who has no regard for your feelings or wants just because you’ve been together a long time.
• Just because you love each other, doesn’t mean you’re good together long term.
• No relationship is perfect and conflict is inevitable. What matters is that you have the desire to resolve the issues.
• Fight the problem. Not the Person. Keep this in mind so you can solve the problem instead of being mad at the other person.
• Don’t look for a girl you want to treat as a princess (or a guy as a prince), look for one you want to treat as a partner.
• Don’t disparage your significant other behind their back.
• Confidence isn’t “I know s/he likes me,” it is “I will be okay whether s/he likes me or not.”
• You can be compatible with a number of people. There is no ‘perfect’ match, you have to work at love.
• You are NOT required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
• Marry the person who gives you the same feeling you get when you see food coming in a restaurant.
• The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it is greener where you water it.
• Stop trying to find the right person, and start trying to BE the right person.
• The person who cares the least in a relationship has most of the control.
• Don’t fall in love with your waitress, hooker or therapist.
• It’s better to be happy than it is to be right.
• Always be the first to genuinely apologize after a fight.
• You can’t expect someone to love you if you can’t love yourself.
• Just because you like the friend-version of someone doesn’t mean you will like the relationship-version.
• Before you move in together, road trip together.
• Don’t be afraid to open up and be vulnerable. Vulnerability can bring you closer together and strengthen you both.
• When you and your partner fight, it is you and them VS the problem. Not you VS them.
• Just because doesn’t love you the way you’d like them to, doesn’t mean they aren’t loving you with all they have.
• Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential.
• It takes two happy individuals to make a happy relationship.
• If the world didn’t give second chances, we’d all be single.
• Everyone searches for the perfect person without trying to be the most perfect versions of themselves possible.
• If to love the memories more than the present, it is time to move on.
• Just because someone may be right for you, it doesn’t mean you are right for them.
• If it’s broken, fix it. If you’ve lost count of how many times it’s broken, or the cost of repair far outweighs the initial outlay, throw it away and move on.
• Out of all the things needed for a successful relationship, love barely makes the top 5. Honesty, loyalty, trust, and communication all have to be there.
• Always hold hands when talking about the hard stuff. It helps to keep the negative emotions in check & shows you care.
• Be the person you would want your future (or current) child to date.
• Love is about appreciation, not possession.
• Don’t go to bed angry. Everything will still be there and worse in the morning.
• Always seduce your lover, even if you are in a committed relationship. Otherwise, another person will.
• If someone threatens to leave you, help them pack.
• Keep no secrets, tell no lies.
• Sometimes you gotta wise up and let go. Yes, it hurts. But it’ll hurt more in the future.
• Relationships aren’t hard (even if they are work). If it is hard, you are probably with the wrong person.
• Love is not a feeling. Feelings fade, change, respond to situations and events. Love is a choice.
• If it feels wrong at the beginning, it probably won’t get better.
• If you’re keeping score you’ve already lost.
• Love is an action, not a feeling. It’s learned and developed skill, not an experience. Not that the romantic feeling doesn’t exist or isn’t a wonderful part of the relationship, but it doesn’t make it last.
• The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.

# Balqesh Abdullah 

Life's little reminder

Remember you will die. Maybe even today. Don’t forget that. Don’t forget to be thankful for your health. For the ability to walk. For the time you get to spend with the person you love. For your siblings. For whatever it is that you have today. It is not yours; it can be stolen away at any moment. So while you have it on loan, cherish it

Exercise, almost every day.  Regular exercise resets mind and body


To know what you think, write it down. It gives clarity to your thought process


You end up being the average of the people you spend your life with. You become a reflection of your environment. Choose your people wisely. Don’t hesitate to move or change if you know things aren’t right


Most people never ask for what they want. A lot of good happens if you ask for what you want


Always take the stairs. There will be plenty of days where you can’t, so accept the opportunity to take the stairs as a gift and make a deposit into your Future Health account


Put yourself in places that make you nervous. Nerves are really the only way to know that you’re being stretched. If there hasn’t been a moment of nerves in your life for a month, it might be worthwhile asking if you’re pushing hard enough


Talk it out. When it comes to humans, there’s no other way. You have to talk things out. Sometimes it will take years. For the right people, that time is worthwhile. The unsaid will go unsolved


Don't be precious. It is ok to be passionate about great coffee or great chocolates but don't be the person who is above a glass of cask wine


The greatest reflection of your priorities is your time. The true test of your life's priorities is  where you place your time. So if you say your priorities are your partner or family, that statement will only be true if your calendar reflects it


Everything is mediocre. Most jobs are mediocre. Most people’s work is mediocre. Most life drift to mediocre. When you rise above the mediocrity, people will notice


It’s really, really hard to make something great. The inertia of mediocrity makes it hard to do great work. Most people want most things to stay the same. To do great things, you have to go unrecognized, be under-appreciated and push to unreasonable lengths


Don’t get disheartened. If you get disheartened, it’s over. Don’t ever underestimate the value of enthusiasm. Sometimes it’ll be all you have


Perception is reality. What’s ‘true’ often doesn’t matter because of what’s ‘perceived’


Understand the value of time. Life ends up being really short, no matter how long you live. You can recover money, you can rebuild houses, you can re-buy glassware — but you can’t get back time


Self-control is a finite resource. You can only ask so much of yourself each day. You’ll snap if you ask too much. You have a limited capacity to direct yourself a certain way. It’s worth considering where that directive capacity goes every day


Listen to your body. You might feel like you’ve found a loophole, but if you’re not honest, your body will catch up with you soon enough


Control your inputs. Not just what you eat and drink (though this will have a profound impact), control what you read, what you watch, what you listen to, what notifications you allow on your phone, where you spend your time, who you spend it with. Guard your gates with care


Everyone has a vice. To err is human. Everyone has a fault-line. Don’t spend too much time searching for it, but know it will be there and don’t be disappointed when you find it


Listen. On average, are you doing more listening or talking? If the balance isn’t wildly in the favour of listening, or if you had to think about that question for second, it’s a sign you’re not listening enough


Be genuinely curious. You can’t artificially generate curiosity, so you have to follow where yours actually leads. Curiosity ends up being the driving force behind the most interesting people


Pay close attention to what you do when you’re alone. When no one’s looking, when the house is empty, when the afternoon is yours alone — what you choose to do says a lot about you

Get outside. You’re a collection of atoms, in a poorly understood universe that’s probably infinite. Go look at a tree, or think about a cloud or a star. Whatever you’re going through is probably pretty insignificant in the context of all of that


Never talk about how busy you are or how drunk you were. Seriously. Stop it. Enough already


Almost everything normalises. Grief, wealth, loves. Eventually it will all feel normal. Don’t let the feeling of ‘normal’ hide the value of what’s in front of you


People care 10% as much as you think they do. So long as you’re making an effort to be a good person, you can assume most people care much less than you think they do. Just chalk up any negative interactions to circumstance. People always have a million things going on and you’re generally one of the least important


You never know where you are on history’s big wheel. You never know what’s coming for you. You have to have some faith. Your moment is coming.

# Balqesh Abdullah